The End of an Era

Today is a glorious spring day. The sky is clear. The weather is warm but not hot. It's the last day of classes for my 2 older kids. Tomorrow is officially the last day of school, but we are spending it at a class field trip to a water park. Part of me is ecstatic. Part of me is relieved. The homework especially has been a burden - sometimes I think MORE of a burden for me than for my kids. But part of me is very sad. Today is the last day that I get to have my 5 year old "Kuscheltier" all to myself. ("Kuscheltier" is the German word for stuffed animal, but it literally means "cuddle animal." We have called him this almost since he was born because he is so sweet and cuddly.) This year has been such a blessing and ,like most blessed times, has flown by. I will always be grateful for this opportunity to really get to know my third child. He is very independent and plays well by himself. This was wonderful when we were homeschooling because it allowed me to focus more on the 2 kids that were actually "in school," but it also led to many days when I really didn't spend time with him. This year the 2 older kids went to school for the first time, and S. became my right hand man. He has been "my helper" on a myriad of errands, doctor appointments and days of working at home. We have enjoyed many fun park trips, picnics and hikes. We spent many days reading and watching "The Lone Ranger" on the couch after I fractured my back. I have treasured every minute I have spent walking anywhere and holding his hand. But next year, he is going to kindergarten. This is especially hard because I have never sent a kid to kindergarten before. For most people, the third child is probably easier to send to school as they've already sent two others, but my older two did kindergarten at home. I think one of the hardest parts of parenting is throwing yourself totally into the relationship with your child, but yet knowing when and how to let go.

I have been praying that God would help me to be a good steward of the time He has given me. He is thankfully answering this prayer in a number of different ways, but one of the ways is certainly by helping me to realize how little time I really have with my children. 18 years seems like an awful long time when your baby is born, but now I suddenly have one child who is already half way there! I find it so difficult sometimes to truly make the most of every minute I have with them. I'm sure fellow parents can relate to those nights when you are absolutely about to drop & are afraid you will totally go ballistic if the kids stay up 2 minutes longer. I hate it when I barely have the energy to pray for them & kiss them good night, instead of patiently answering the questions they sometimes voice when I am ready to leave them in their beds and collapse.

So, here I am about 3 weeks after I originally started this post (speaking of time management..... :) ). Last night I actually watched a whole movie in one sitting. I don't usually do this because it gets too late. Last night I was trying to catch up on folding laundry. This may give you an idea of how behind I was. Ken was busy working too, so I watched the movie "Mamma Mia." I wouldn't exactly call it a great movie. As they say in Minnesota, "It could have been worse." But there was a scene that brought tears to my eyes, oddly enough relating to this same subject. Just to give a context to anyone who hasn't seen the movie, Meryl Streep's only daughter is about to get married. The video is for the song "Slipping Through My Fingers" by Abba (of course).

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile


Thank you, Father, that we can at least touch the time as it slips through our fingers.